Do You Want to Start a Tab?

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:21:05
Unknown
Everyone in the service industry has a story. Crazy customers, wild orders and WTF moments. Do you want to start? Have the podcast here to bring you those tales from behind the bar. My name is Carl. I've been bartending now for 11 plus years with stories to share, but you can't write. I mean, it could be 20 years or I could say 11 plus I'll be correct.

00:00:21:05 - 00:00:43:15
Unknown
Right? So you're never lying. Never lying. My name is Riley. I bartended for a little bit, but I do like to people watch. She does. Especially her man. She's playing with the cat. I could. I could just play with her pussy. And that would have been way better for audio purposes. Oh, I did say that. Woops. God, you're all right.

00:00:43:15 - 00:01:05:18
Unknown
I am. I'm. We are excited. We have another guest, a bartender, who I would love to say you don't need no introduction, but you need introduction. Yeah, but his name's Steve. He runs him and his buddy Mike run the podcast. The bartenders rant or the Bartender Rant podcast. I was on their lovely show a couple weeks ago. We did it.

00:01:05:18 - 00:01:32:11
Unknown
It was so nice that we decided to do it twice and yeah, well, good. Now you can shut up and let him introduce himself, you know? So good morning, Slash. Afternoon, Steve. How are you doing? I am. I am doing well. I'm just getting the day. Go on, Slug. The coffee came on late, so you guys have been very patient with me this morning, which if anybody is a listener, Mike and I show Bartender Rant podcast.

00:01:33:04 - 00:01:53:17
Unknown
This is no, no, nothing new for them. All right. Doing the recording. Hi, Jason. Changing on my microphone six times and late to the recording. That's your sofa, but happy to be here, guys. Can be Adam. So you worked you work at a bar, obviously, and you were there till five in the morning? Yeah, I was late one one last night.

00:01:54:20 - 00:02:17:02
Unknown
We had a perfect scenario of me closing with some some bartenders who don't regularly close on a Saturday night. Right. They weren't keen on all of the little closing duties inside work. So there I am, just like chugging beside work and everyone's like, Hey, man, can I help you with anything? I'm like, Yeah, we have 27 more things we got to do.

00:02:17:02 - 00:02:36:05
Unknown
And then the other thing, it's been really rainy in Baltimore, so it was just not a usual Saturday night. There were it was a little bit of a weird vibe with the crowds. I think. I think our staff just got a little drunker than we wanted to. All right. On top of having a lot of newbies behind the bar, right to closing.

00:02:36:05 - 00:03:00:06
Unknown
Sure. They were also pretty intoxicated, so one sounds like a perfect storm. Literally, if you're not familiar with this podcast, we read stories of the Internet, usually Reddit, about bartender stories from either the bartender perspective or the guest perspective. Then we talk about it, give our feedback, and then we rate it from 1 to 5 one being an average story that bartenders would normally hear or that you'd hear just in the gossip.

00:03:00:06 - 00:03:17:10
Unknown
And then five being a very unique situation. I don't think we've hit a five yet. We hit a 4.5. I think one time. So yeah, that's what we do. And today he's got it. One being very common. Yes. And five is just like I've never seen some shit like that in 20 plus years. Right. Yeah. Of working in restaurant.

00:03:17:21 - 00:03:37:18
Unknown
Exactly right. You know, drunk Karen is usually like, you know, a 1.5, you know, But those stories are still super fun to listen to because you're like, Oh, my God, it's not just me. A good base like drunk or bartenders who don't know what they're doing in their right. You never mind. I lost my train of thought. It was the track was here and the train went that way.

00:03:38:08 - 00:04:00:05
Unknown
Yeah, that's exactly it. Right. They never admit that it's a radio tease. All right. That's all it is. So Rose got a rose, got a quick story, and then afterwards, you got a hopefully a fabulous story because that's all his OC. So real quick, his podcast is they interview other bartenders. Yes. And they go through the gantlet, which is ten questions.

00:04:00:05 - 00:04:17:05
Unknown
And so all they do is talk about story. So he's the they're the long form version of what we do. We're 30 minutes. They're like two and a half plus hours unless you're Carl and you're like and you're hammered. The fact that the Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I also like the fact that you guys are pulling these off Reddit.

00:04:17:05 - 00:04:43:12
Unknown
Do you know, we we try to, like, interrogate people. Mm. Things that happen in their own life sometimes those stories have to be anonymous. Sometimes they don't give us all the right goods, if you will. Right, Right. But like, I assume that some of these stories that you guys pull off Reddit, it's an anonymous, you know, a bartender or friend thereof or somebody that heard this third hand putting the skinny up online like that.

00:04:44:04 - 00:05:03:07
Unknown
Right. We should absolutely figure out a way that people can submit to us anonymously because, I mean, that's I think we get so many more wild stories, right? Yeah, That's what we're trying to do with the suggestion box right now. We're trying to do kind of a hotline that we're we're seeing if people want to call in and air their grievances from behind the bar.

00:05:03:07 - 00:05:23:17
Unknown
But I think that would be great. I think people, when they have that anonymity, are a little bit more loose. Right. So I'm interested right up today. Right. Because like the Internet does give you some anonymity, but you can still like track that down so that you can you can be mostly anonymous, but we should have a like a Yeah, the.

00:05:23:20 - 00:05:41:03
Unknown
You know what I'm talking about. Mm hmm. A thing. Yeah. Okay. I got that thing. If you worked in Internet, we got an email address. People can send us emails, but that's also not as anonymous. Like, we need, like, a fill in field Where to descends to your. Oh, so we're, like, maybe on the website we put in, like, a submission box and.

00:05:41:03 - 00:06:01:01
Unknown
Yeah, so now what about a sub read. Yeah, we have one of those that's on the say subreddit. I would, I would, I knew we had the whole time and just, you know but I know we have a subreddit but again you can't hide behind your username a lot of times you can delete the fucker. That's true. We our most common user so far is deleted user.

00:06:02:22 - 00:06:29:00
Unknown
So. So yeah. Okay. One that just is backdoor sluts. Nine we are. We also forgot to mention seaweed lettered two and I didn't go with it. What are we drinking today. I know you are. You mentioned some coffee. Are you. Are you. Are you filling your liquid needs by any other manner or just that? I wish. I wish I could use a shot of Kahlua right to the eyeball right now.

00:06:29:00 - 00:06:57:05
Unknown
Right. It's like I said, I'm just waking right on up right now, though. Only my stomach just so. So I have a funny story inside. No, I have a friend. I made her try the first time and she immediately projectile found it into the charger. Oh, Jenna. Yeah, Yeah. There's worse. Any warning at all? Oh, yeah. I said this is terrible.

00:06:57:05 - 00:07:17:16
Unknown
You should try it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. It's on her. I'm back on. You're right. What we're drinking is two beers from Bent River. It's a it's a local ish brew for us. It's. I it's clean Illinois brewing, but they're right next to Iowa. It's in the Quad Cities. Quad Cities, which doesn't mean anything is everyone has their own Quad cities, but.

00:07:17:16 - 00:07:39:15
Unknown
Right. So Moline, Illinois, I'm doing a blueberry marshmallow sour and I'm doing the pineapple upside down, cake sour. And then just because it's these are not sweet enough, we're doing a red and baker old fashioned. It's a kettle corn infused rum with demerara and orange bitters. And it tastes like a movie theater. It's about caffeine tastic. That sounds like a wonderful combination.

00:07:39:15 - 00:08:11:16
Unknown
I have to say. I am not as blessed to be sipping that particular souped up boilermaker right now, but I do like the name Mobley. It's a great word for getting your vocal range when you're doing your redneck accent. It really allows you to lean into it, no pun intended, but that's awesome. I love the I love that we're bringing more like milkshake and fermented Lactaid and into these drinks, especially for me, IPAs.

00:08:11:16 - 00:08:38:06
Unknown
I love these, like these milkshakes that have been popular. Iceland is a big one out here from outside of D.C. but anytime you can get a fruit, it's our, you know, even like there's even something like have nitro have these now that have that that milk lactate in it got so good. Oh what are you doing Psycho. Say yeah.

00:08:38:07 - 00:09:00:01
Unknown
The cat knew I was speaking the gospel. That's what it was. So it hit all the buttons. Okay, hold on. Sorry. Got to scare the shit out of me. All right, Amaro. Delicious. Yeah, she's on crack. So, anyways, all that nonsense out of the way, right? So rarely do you have a lovely story for us to share. I do.

00:09:00:08 - 00:09:24:06
Unknown
To share when we have a guest, I usually pick a short one, and I pick one that's just like, easy, because I want. I don't want to overshadow your story. So this comes from the malicious complaint subreddit since they shut down the bartender stories subreddit, we got to find them elsewhere. It's from the user C. S j. It's called Order A surprise drink from the bartender.

00:09:24:06 - 00:09:51:00
Unknown
Oh, I'll make sure you're surprised. Okay, so just a short dose of malicious compliance from my previous job where I was a bartender too frequently for me to count. I have customers come up to order shots or a mixer and say, Surprise me. I used to try to give them interesting shots, some more obscure stuff that didn't get ordered frequently, and the the customer would then complain that the drink tasted awful.

00:09:51:09 - 00:10:21:05
Unknown
So I started taking a different approach to these surprise drinks. Every time a customer came up and said, Surprise me, I would give them a nice glass of water. Needless to say, needless to say, they were surprised. Okay, so do you say right off the bat relate to the annoyance being this is. Look, I don't I don't want to I don't want to take hold of your show, but I can already tell I'm shading a lot closer to one than the five on this particular one.

00:10:21:05 - 00:10:44:04
Unknown
No, absolutely. It looks like in my bar it happens all the time. Right? There's like, make me something. And they are like, we can do fancy cocktails and that's what they want. But like, I'm assuming in your situation, because you work more like a speed bar, right? High volume. High volume. Very. I'm very, very high volume. Now, I've been in your situation, too, where, you know, it's craft.

00:10:44:04 - 00:11:03:13
Unknown
And if we make 100 drinks in a night, that's a lot. Right? Right. But I mean, we're making I'm making 100 drinks in 20 minutes and that's that's on a light night because we got four or five deep at the bar. So it's a very you're right, it's a very different sort of environment, but they're both equally annoying.

00:11:03:13 - 00:11:22:15
Unknown
I actually think that you might get it more because people at Speed bar, at least if they're somewhat conscious, conscious and not already fucking hammered, they get up to the bar and they realize, Oh my God, I've been waiting 10 minutes to even get in this spot. It's me and my seven friends. We're all doing shots. I'll have two younglings and seven bar right?

00:11:22:15 - 00:11:45:15
Unknown
And they get their order out, They move on. I can see, Karl, in your scenario where somebody is like, Oh my God, this is a this is a real bartender craft experience, and he can make all these magical cocktails make me something special, right? Maybe surprise me. But I feel like it's probably easier in his scenario than it is in yours.

00:11:45:15 - 00:12:02:18
Unknown
Because if somebody says, Surprise me, I'm going to give you a Jack and Coke and say, Fuck you. But if he can, he has time to ask the questions like, Oh, what? What kind of spirit do you like? Do you like sweet or sour? And then he can go from there. But even if I'm busy and someone says, Surprise me, I usually have like three cocktails that I just like.

00:12:03:04 - 00:12:20:19
Unknown
These are out of pocket. These are the three I just make because they're really good. They're unique ish, you know, And there's just these in there easy and just my go to right. Here's a here's a follow up question for you, Karl, to what Riley said. There have been times where I've been in that environment and it's like they're like, surprise me.

00:12:20:19 - 00:12:34:23
Unknown
And I'll try to get a base like, Hey, what do you like? Yeah, you know, what type of approach? And it's like my brain starts racking through the cocktails. I know how to make or I know how to make. Well, and I'm like, kind of bored by that. Like, yeah, I don't just want to surprise them. I want to surprise.

00:12:35:03 - 00:12:58:08
Unknown
Right? Do you ever do you ever feel like you're reaching like, be Oh, you want to surprise, motherfucker? He's great, you know, or we're we're making it up on the fly or I'm looking up this recipe from, you know, something I read two years ago. There's been times I sometimes if I'm. Yeah, there's been times I've made up drinks on the fly, like, which is called, like, I have no idea.

00:12:58:08 - 00:13:17:13
Unknown
And I call me, I go, I just literally made it up. And then they come in like through and say, Hey, can you make me that drink that you made? I have No, no, because I could write it down. No, it just there are some nights where, like, I just got destroyed through the day, like 6 hours or just, you know, slaughtered and someone's like, ask me.

00:13:17:13 - 00:13:36:16
Unknown
And there's times I like, Dude, I don't really know. My brain is a pile of mush right now. And so it's like you to give me direction, right? You need to tell me what you normally drink, and then we'll go from there. But we writing this story first, we write it, now we're do it. We usually rate after we talk about it, but since this story is so mundane, it doesn't really matter.

00:13:36:16 - 00:13:55:04
Unknown
Like, yeah, that's all that's, that's it. So I will say this though. It's fun. Since you're a hotel bar, we have event space. We have a lot of weddings and private parties and shit like that. And so like Bridesmaids will come down and they're like, Oh, we want to punch out. What's a punch shot? My answer is always, Jameis, That's not fun.

00:13:55:04 - 00:14:13:22
Unknown
I go, I go. It's fucking amazing to differ. I beg to differ because, like, your boyfriends will think you're super fun. Should be me when I'm watching all of your faces during a game. All right. But let me tell you, in somewhere, some of someone goes, You like it because it's only one thing. You have to pour moxie.

00:14:13:23 - 00:14:32:12
Unknown
You get it. Look. See? And I feel like an asshole in this situation because I am a surprise me person, but I like almost everything. So, like I do this at breaks all the time. Where? What are you feeling as like, just pick a handle and pull it. I don't really care. I just want a beer or I just want a cocktail.

00:14:32:12 - 00:14:53:18
Unknown
Surprise me. And I'm always happier as a bartender when it's a beer thing. We have. We've we have almost 300 beers. God damn of of those, 50 of them are on draft. And so it's we actually have a bucket in one cooler that when reps come by or we run low on something, the beers just go into that giant bucket.

00:14:53:18 - 00:15:15:07
Unknown
It's called the random beer bucket. Right? It's $5 for random beer. That's amazing. So, you know, and I never look, I open the cooler and I like, look away and I just make sure it's like a super extra random beer, right? So, see, when I say surprise me, that's what I want. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I'm more acclimated to that if it's a beer order, Right.

00:15:15:07 - 00:15:48:03
Unknown
I'm happy to just spin around, grab a tap. You know, sometimes I get I got to say, I get admittedly frustrated when I'm clearly busy and you get up to the bar and it's surprised me, Right. You know, on a Friday or Saturday night when it's volume. My thing is less about that. I need to now come up with a drink to make you and more about the fact that I cannot understand a human being that walks up to a busy bar like Club Style bar on a Friday or Saturday night.

00:15:48:09 - 00:16:08:20
Unknown
They don't know what they're drinking, you don't know how they're paying and they don't know who else they're ordering for. That's yes. Why are you here right. Regroup, come back in 20 minutes and let's have this conversation. Right. It's just so the surprise thing is a wrinkle in that it's some girl that's like she's like, I'm flirting with you.

00:16:08:20 - 00:16:24:00
Unknown
Surprised me. And I'm like, I'm too busy for this shit right now. Are you getting a lemon drop? Yeah. Yeah. That's the only people have pressured me. Like I know. Even been there. Wait 10 minutes and I go, What do you want? Like, I don't know. I'm like, What the fuck have you been doing for the past 10 minutes?

00:16:24:00 - 00:16:39:15
Unknown
I go, I go. You got 30 seconds to decide or moving on, right? They get mad at me. It's like, dude, I am busy. And you see these people. I am by myself and I'll make like if they're still being annoying, I start talking louder so everyone to know around me know that they're being the asshole right now, right?

00:16:40:06 - 00:17:03:20
Unknown
Yeah. So. Yeah. So what? That girl I, I think there's, there was a line of demarcation in my serving industry experience. There was that it's like before and after Christ. Right. Right. The time before I said the words I'll be back and the times after I said the words, I'll be back. And what I mean by that, it's like I was way too scared to tell a table.

00:17:03:20 - 00:17:20:20
Unknown
You're taking two fucking off. Right? Right. I'll be back to get this order. And now I don't know when that changed, but at some point I just. I guess as a broken and jaded man, I said, Fuck this. All right? If you take more than 30 seconds to start ordering, I'll say, I'll give you more time. I'll do that right.

00:17:21:03 - 00:17:41:10
Unknown
Turn the other direction before there's a response right out. You're you're already pivoting while you're saying that statement. So it might be. You ever see that It sounds like a disclaimer at the end of a radio commercial? Like, I don't know that you ever see the movie Zack in Me or Make a Porno? Oh, yeah. So there's yeah, it's like, you know, what can I get for you?

00:17:41:10 - 00:18:00:01
Unknown
Like to log cappuccino. You know, the guy you give him, like, 2 seconds? See, that's why I think all the time I did that to someone and they're like. Like, what are you talking about? It's something else. It's from a they knew it was from a movie. They didn't know what movie was from because, like, you serve cappuccinos here, I'm like, No, God, no, no, no, no.

00:18:00:01 - 00:18:19:20
Unknown
But I didn't get that either. Right? Do people get mad because we don't have coffee at our bar and they have an espresso machine? Coffee? Right now it's a hotel bar. So you it all the way down the stairs? You got to be. Yeah, it's all the way down in the other restaurant because we have an actual restaurant and we have like a $8,000 espresso machine.

00:18:20:10 - 00:18:35:23
Unknown
People, like, want you to go pause press. So I go, I got to go walk down there, wait 3 minutes for two, pull and then bring it back to you. That's like then clean the machine. Clean the machine. I go, We have cold brew for espresso martini. They'll get mad at me. It's like it's the same fucking thing, man.

00:18:35:23 - 00:19:00:21
Unknown
Like, you're going to get your coffee, fix better, order some. You better order some food if you want an espresso and tell me all your condiments because I'm not going back. Yeah, Yeah, exactly. All right, so what do Steve, what do you rate this story? You just have a stroke? I think so. Every day. Every day. I got to take my little blue pill or That's the wrong pills in the right cheese.

00:19:00:22 - 00:19:26:03
Unknown
That's all right. Well, what was the question again? I don't know. I'm not okay here. I am not okay. Leaning towards a one is a flat one. Are we going to go by or are we going to go? So I'll give it some nuance. We'll call this like a 1.9. And the reason I'm a shade it closer to two is because the story that you presented, I don't usually get the response surprise me as much.

00:19:26:03 - 00:19:46:20
Unknown
Right? It's usually the make me something sweet or I don't know what I want, or they come to order and then they turn around and they start counting friends trying to get people's attention. MM. How many they need to order. Right. They're a lot more common to surprise me. One, I think just in my environment is still not as common as if it was in a crap scenario.

00:19:46:22 - 00:20:03:09
Unknown
Sure. Right. When we're slower and it's be wise. But again, no problem with that. I'll just rip a hand As far as stories, do I do I need to pick stories that relate to this? No, absolutely not. Whatever you want. No, because I have some. That's the idea though. Like, No, no, it could be whatever story you want to tell the world.

00:20:04:06 - 00:20:22:20
Unknown
But real quick. But real quick, I'll give this Just because a bartender threw shade by giving out water, I'm going to I'll give it a once 1.6. Yeah, that's a heady play, you know, because that's that's just that's like, that's like it's the back here and Calpol that right. Like you're like, fuck you asshole. Here's what you get, right?

00:20:22:21 - 00:20:45:09
Unknown
You need to hydrate, bro. What do you give it? I'm because the asshole in this scenario is the customer who says, Surprise me, I'm going to give this like a 1.2 because I am. That is so relatable because you do it all the time. I don't do it all the time any more. And it was definitely more often when I was ordering beer, right?

00:20:45:11 - 00:21:05:13
Unknown
But like now I'll come into your bar and I'll be like, I don't know what I want. Just make me something different. You're sleeping with the bartender, reading it, thinking, Hey, this is a kindred. Did I write this story? Ideas on the DNA. So I go to places and not know what we want. Karl what do you say?

00:21:05:13 - 00:21:21:17
Unknown
It was one point. I don't even know. Six. I think I said some shit like that. So if you have a better story or a relatable story, you'd like to share it with this wonderful podcast we call it. Do you want to start have we do have a subreddit? It is in the link of any podcast platform that you're listening to.

00:21:22:12 - 00:21:40:04
Unknown
Go drop us a story. We'll read it, we'll discuss it, and we'll tell you if you were the asshole in the story, if you're in the story. But even if it was just a fun little story, just share it with us. We like all stories big or small. Yep. And while you're on that podcast form, just leave us a little review.

00:21:40:04 - 00:21:58:06
Unknown
Helps grow our podcast. Besides sharing with a friend because it's a tough world out there. We need all the help we can get. Okay. I wish there was a pity party like button. Yeah, there is a lot more. I know. That's not what I won. You know, like a little while. I'm playing in the background, like, I'm sure something like that.

00:21:58:06 - 00:22:11:20
Unknown
But. All right, Steve, do you have a story? Yep. Is a story. Whatever you want to share with us, it doesn't have to be the same. It can be whatever your heart pleases. I might have to give you. I might have to give you two. Just because this was the one that I knew you. I knew you'd give us.

00:22:12:02 - 00:22:34:19
Unknown
I just knew you had. Not robust enough, right? Robust enough. But no, in relation to this, this particular topic, this is a pretty good one. About a year and a half ago, I come in to work and our general manager, who we affectionately call Cleveland, something goes, Hey, man, you're going to be taking care of this party down in the basement.

00:22:34:19 - 00:22:52:17
Unknown
And I'm like, All right, yeah, no problem. Of course. What's what's the deal? You know, you always want to know, is this some 16 year old girls? Right? Right. It's like a 50, you know, Is this a 50 year retirement party? You know what? What am I dealing with here? Right? You know, do I need to stock a particular thing to make sure I have enough?

00:22:52:17 - 00:23:26:14
Unknown
So he goes, I just a couple across. That's well, I look at the spec and it's like 40 to 50 lacrosse dads and they're having a reunion of the high school championship lacrosse game. Oh, no. Two years ago. Oh, no. Let me let me try to explain what that means to people that are not from the mid-Atlantic. I understand lacrosse is getting more popular, but in Baltimore, lacrosse is got there is I mentioned that this is a very Catholic state before we have that.

00:23:26:14 - 00:23:53:09
Unknown
Mm. Somehow the only thing that outranks Catholicism is lacrosse. So it's like football in Texas. Oh, it's yes, it's football in Texas. The the only difference is that people who play football in Texas, there is a, I think, a purity in the idea that, again, football has blue collar roots. Okay. Lacrosse. This lacrosse is very waspy rich. Yeah asshole whitewashed like bullshit.

00:23:53:09 - 00:24:12:14
Unknown
Okay. That that bring orange slices to the game. That's all I'm saying. Anyway, lacrosse is it's a fun game. It's fast. I've never played it. You know, my parents are from Chicago, so it's always been foreign to me. But know a lot of lacrosse players over the years. I know a lot of lacrosse parents. I've taken care of a lot.

00:24:12:18 - 00:24:41:15
Unknown
All right. And the common thread is they see need to be a little bit high maintenance. All right. Even the dads, it's just they you know, it's a lot of it's a lot of vests and a lot of like vineyard vines button up sweaters tied in a pair. Yeah. The same pair of $200 faded jeans and a lot of Land Rovers and Range Rovers parked out in the parking lot.

00:24:42:00 - 00:24:59:18
Unknown
So this is what I'm dealing with, right? I'm dealing with some hoity toity dudes that are reliving their nostalgic glory days of high school and I so once I realize that, I'm like, All right, they're going to drink like fish. They're going to be annoying in the sense that they're going to be just yelling orders at me in one stop.

00:24:59:18 - 00:25:20:11
Unknown
So I, I knew that whatever the vein was early on of what they were drinking, I needed overstocking, right? Party starts. They're just slugging younglings and and Heineken. So I'm just like overstocking that stuff for in a lot of shots there's a buffet out. Not a single one of them is touching it. They're just they're here to drain.

00:25:20:17 - 00:25:45:08
Unknown
All of them are flashing their high school championship ring and they're like, you know, they're just, you know, basically sucking each other's dick. Remember the time the time he got slammed while he was making that goal? Oh, I got a thing. And the entire time in my head, I'm doing the impression of a former bar back I had like five years ago at another legitimately lacrosse bar.

00:25:45:14 - 00:26:10:14
Unknown
And he used to do a surfer. He used to do and like, make fun of these lacrosse parents by doing a surfer hippie lacrosse guy that would always have that would always rhyme. So it'd be like smoking bowls and scoring goals, stringing, stringing sticks and fucking chicks like these little anecdotes like that. So I have that playing in my head.

00:26:10:21 - 00:26:29:21
Unknown
It's just going fine. We're bringing up a big tab. I'm laughing to myself and all of a sudden, kind of like the main ringleader guy comes up to the bar, he goes, I need shots for everybody, like, you know, 30, 40 shots. And I was like, All right, cool. You know, like, what do you want? No big deal, James And you in a single shot, are we doing mix whatever.

00:26:30:13 - 00:26:48:09
Unknown
And the guy goes, I want you to hurt us. And I was like, What is that? I was like, my porn, like, doubles for everybody here. We do it now. That's a Four Horsemen award. So, you know, that's the Four Horsemen Lord on hand, right? Yeah. Are three wise men and. Yeah. And so I. I'm like, picking at him.

00:26:48:09 - 00:27:12:07
Unknown
I'm like, What does that mean? And he goes, I want you to make us something that is going to hurt, Like, try to make us throw up like, Oh, like this guy again. It's been 30 years since high school and this guy's still living. A pissant got me, right? Right. And and so I think it was just like a gantlet that him and all the all the guys wanted to go through, that kind of thing.

00:27:13:00 - 00:27:32:20
Unknown
So I'm like, All right, fuck it. And are you sure? Because once I pour these, like, there's no going back, I'm charging you for him. He goes, Do it. And so I kind of like this guy. I kind of like that, you know, like, like I hate him, but I love it. Said I didn't want to say it, but he started to win me over.

00:27:32:20 - 00:27:54:03
Unknown
I want to hate this guy. But long story short, I do the the very quick inventory in my head of what I have behind the bar. That's not going to taste well mixed together. And it took all of about 10 seconds before I just clicked. I was like, Oh yeah, we should take Rumpled Mints and mix it with Pickle Vodka.

00:27:54:13 - 00:28:28:04
Unknown
You No wonderful combination. And when I talk, when I'm talking about pickle vodka, I'm talking about there's a bar here in Baltimore across from Camden Yards called Pickles Pub, and they make their own pickle juice infused vodka. And it is neon green like. Like Nickelodeon slime, Right? Same. And so basically I did 50, 50 parts of Rumple and the Pickle Vodka, and I poured 40 of them.

00:28:28:15 - 00:28:48:23
Unknown
And I would say about three of the dads there immediately projectile vomited in the same trash. I actually put a trash can. So it's like this is going to this is not going to go as well. And it was like slug. So I have. So anyone ever does it for you or asks, you know, random shots and make it strong?

00:28:49:07 - 00:29:10:04
Unknown
There's a shot. Some guy ordered for me and 12 other people last call called a snowshoe. Have you ever heard of it? No. It's Rumple mints and Wild Turkey. One on one. And so last call. So everyone thinks they're doing compliments because it smells like Grumpy's. But if you order for everyone, you order yourself Rumple mints. Not this.

00:29:10:04 - 00:29:33:02
Unknown
Because about 20, 30 minutes later, that wild turkey one on one starts working so fucking magic and sneaks up on you. Yeah, so. But, man, like, I mean, am I a bad person? Because that actually sounds kind of good, but that's all about hate and just build up of 20 years. Like, you know, I could do that. You you said you wanted to throw up.

00:29:33:02 - 00:29:50:01
Unknown
I could make that happen. And I actually. I took that shot before I ever started bartending. So I wasn't like I was not like a huge I was I was a seasoned drink, you know? So, like, it's like, what the fuck? And then, like, we got back to someone's house and we're all sharing, like, trash cans, toilets, you know, kitchen sinks and throw all thrown up together.

00:29:50:01 - 00:30:06:06
Unknown
It was it was a beautiful, disgusting thing. But so how is that party turn out? Do did they take care of you? Like, was it a good night for you money wise? You know, they did okay. Yeah, they did fine. And, you know, I talked to a little bit of shit on the front end. But here's the thing about it.

00:30:06:06 - 00:30:27:20
Unknown
Like, they will always tip you, right? Right. Always pay their bill. There is not a lack of money. It's the way that they make you feel right? Right. As they're paying, as looking down their nose at you. So that reminds you, like when you're talking about all I think about is American Pie. When fucking Stiffler and the other pretty boy are on the lacrosse team and they're all, like, just brawling out, you know?

00:30:27:20 - 00:30:49:18
Unknown
And that's I just see that 30 years, you know, just like that scene, you know. Right. I don't know. But yeah, we don't have lacrosse here in Iowa. So I have to tell you, if it was 40 person party of lacrosse moms, I may have quit that day. Oh, I bet the lacrosse moms are like nothing else you've ever, ever seen in sports.

00:30:49:20 - 00:31:13:03
Unknown
They're like, Karen's on steroids, right? Yeah. I think maybe the only one that comes close to it. And I've heard this, pray tell from friends in the Midwest, we're not a big hockey state. People don't really play hockey around here, right? Yeah, I've heard that hockey moms can be like this, but I feel like hockey moms and lacrosse moms are probably very similar, right?

00:31:13:03 - 00:31:36:13
Unknown
Yes. Their drink is different. I feel like where? I feel like where where lacrosse moms are going to order wine. You get the the hockey moms are ordering make ultras and they're pissed if you don't have make ultra. Yeah. Yes. Okay. All right. That's actually pretty good That's a lot of a lot of Josh cab a lot of Josh get All right Yeah that's not good.

00:31:37:05 - 00:31:57:05
Unknown
It's like the some. Josh Yeah. No, that's my boy. Todd Shit, I had something similar one time, but I know it's. It's always the big groups of people like the reunion. Oh, I know what happened. So the other day we had about six guys in the bar, but they weren't at the bar. They were sitting at a table.

00:31:57:21 - 00:32:18:13
Unknown
And one guy comes up, he orders drinks for everyone. He's like, He goes to me. I'm sorry about the conversations were having. It's business guy talk. I couldn't hear anything they're saying right when he says that, I'm like, Oh, they're being super douchey right now. Right? You know, the way they're they're trying to one up each other, you know, and all these dumb business stories that guys, you know, they can't let the other guys know that their business is bigger than the fish that you cut.

00:32:18:14 - 00:32:37:18
Unknown
Right? And that's a that's an analogy for my dick. Right. Exactly. So what's funny is so they leave, and then one of my regulars comes, he comes up, Nick, and he goes, Did you hear what those guys are talking about the entire time? He's like, Fuck me, man. I go, I hear. But they are. He pretty apologized for that.

00:32:37:18 - 00:33:06:04
Unknown
I mean, I go, Why do business guys think they just got to fucking, like, just peacock the entire time, you know, and just be so inappropriate. But they think they're amazing. I don't know why. It's. It's the. It's the day in, day out of going into the office and everything is measured by numbers, right? I work in corporate sales long time when you would walk in the office and I ran and worked in a more laid back environment, we had a putting green.

00:33:06:10 - 00:33:28:20
Unknown
We had a bar in the office. We had we had a dartboard, you know, and everybody's friends. Open concept. But the first thing that you see when you walk in the office is everybody's sales board with a literal fucking ranking and. Right, right, right, right. It's kind of hard to be. I'm being ranked every day by per dollar, right?

00:33:28:22 - 00:33:58:19
Unknown
It caters to the masculine nature, to one up each other. Yeah. Yeah. And it's yeah, it's very they, they can't turn it off. So I saw the Sam's Club version of that yesterday or two days ago. I went to go check checkout and on one of their old checkout lanes where they used to have a person was I was a dry erase marker and it basically said if we go ten days with getting at least ten applications for credit cards per day, you get an extra 15 minute break.

00:33:58:19 - 00:34:15:21
Unknown
And I'm like, Jesus Christ, like, Oh shit, we had that. We had better family video. I mean, like, that's how fuck, like you're like, that just means like, they want you to keep pushing credit. The people will give you one extra 15 minute break. But I mean, they do it in Sinclair. What is this, 1910? Right? They do that everywhere, though.

00:34:15:21 - 00:34:40:04
Unknown
When I would know. Family. Yeah. Yeah. We there was in the staff in the staff bathroom there was a whiteboard that ranked sales of candy bundles and like movie specials where you rent three new releases, get the fourth one free. And like, whoever made the most dollars like you got, say, a certain amount of commission home, maybe I should do that really need to start finding different ways to incentivize our boys, right?

00:34:40:08 - 00:34:59:16
Unknown
Maybe pay people living wage is right in saying that is such a good idea. But no, but you know, you have to pay people to parties. Peanut parties are good pizza parties. All right. So I heard a great go ahead and a great quote the other day that if if a job calls you a rock star, they're underpaid.

00:34:59:22 - 00:35:22:02
Unknown
Absolutely. I said, yes, that is so true. That is the language that you never want to hear. Right. All right. So story time, right? Is that what you're going to say, Carl? I was gonna say, what do we want to make that story? Um, so I actually was a server at a hockey mom party when I, when I did serve.

00:35:22:16 - 00:35:44:15
Unknown
So, uh, it was actually very similar, except for they didn't order shots. So because. Because the guy was like, make it at her and was willing to do whatever, I'm going to give this story a solid for, you know, I'm going to do three and a half for the exact same reason. Like the whole party seemed like just that.

00:35:44:15 - 00:35:58:07
Unknown
Obviously, as I said, a normal party. But you get, like you said, those reunions where people just want to like when I went to my class reunion, everyone just wanted to keep talking about high school like, fuck, man, like, we're 20 years past high school. It's like, well, what's going on now? Early and if anything else but whatever.

00:35:58:07 - 00:36:20:12
Unknown
But then it's the shot thing, like bring the rain, bring the paid, you know, like, let's bring it buckets. Right, Well, well. And I'm like, I feel like I'm with Riley. It's a solid four, maybe a 4.2 because what makes it unique is I've had people like shot roulette, gin roulette. I've had them do a crazy egg. Give me something.

00:36:20:12 - 00:36:46:00
Unknown
My my friend hates tequila. Give that to him. Right and that before. But never somebody, like, literally make me the worst fucking 4040. It just by volume deserves a four and I'm assuming that bar downstairs is probably more limited or it's limited than your upstairs bar, Right. The only only in regard to beer. Oh well we actually. So we've renovated it during COVID, okay?

00:36:46:06 - 00:37:11:07
Unknown
We really built it into us. Its start to the nines. I can't wait to see this fucking bar. Yeah. So I mean, but I feel like we're going to have to to interject here. First of all, it's great that like, nothing in this story at any point you were like, Yeah, they were total assholes all night. Which again is why I rated it highly because, yeah, they were assholes, but they weren't like there is being douchey bros, right?

00:37:11:07 - 00:37:28:15
Unknown
It wasn't like there's nothing that they were just doing their thing right? There was nothing outstanding that was like this woman lit into me because we ran out of her chardonnay and she had to drink a Pinot Grigio, and she was pissed about it. So she threw a glass of wine at me that may or may not have happened.

00:37:28:16 - 00:38:03:17
Unknown
Who hurt you? But also you're you're the asshole like I know you're the asshole. So he did what he told Pickles. He did what he does. Oh, he's complacent. He's the malicious, complacent asshole guy. That's fair. That's fair. The asshole in this story, I is your boss for booking the party. It's hard to identify a you know, initially, as I was telling it and thinking, who is the asshole?

00:38:04:02 - 00:38:40:02
Unknown
Sure, I considered myself. I even considered the guy that placed the order. But I think that the real asshole is whoever provoked that guy. Okay, there were. There were pissing contests happening about. All right, Some guys said something stupid to this dude, like, Oh, yeah, well, I fucked your girlfriend Pat, right? His wife cheated on him, like, the night before, and I just take it out on all his fucking friends or something with the guy with anger, or he got sat like, you know, the last 3 minutes of the game, he got sat down.

00:38:40:02 - 00:38:58:11
Unknown
So, like, you know, Steve could go in and play for his position or something like that, you know, he twisted his ankle and he couldn't play anymore. Now everybody has a hurt like he did. I wish you would have asked so far. I wish you would have asked. I'm like, after you order like, who hurt you? I should have.

00:38:58:17 - 00:39:19:18
Unknown
I should have. I did ask him, but why would you why would you want this? I, I want a party with that guy. And I don't want a party with that guy right now. You don't. You don't want to party with that guy unless you want to talk about 1980s high school lacrosse in the state, I should say the state of Maryland.

00:39:19:18 - 00:39:41:07
Unknown
But Baltimore, for the rest of your life, you do know the cliche about Maryland, right? When you when you are from Maryland, they don't ask you where you went to college. They ask you where you went to high school. And that's not that's not a joke. We're we're a state of so many private Catholic high schools like you can't even understand.

00:39:41:07 - 00:40:02:09
Unknown
They're just like it's a status thing. So especially if you're from Baltimore, you'll get into your career, like way beyond higher education. I'm not talking to like first job out of college. I'm talking like you're ten years into your career, you have a master's degree, but maybe you're even a doctor and you sit down for an interview. And the first thing out of the.

00:40:02:09 - 00:40:23:06
Unknown
So where'd you go to school? You say, Oh, I went to UPenn Medical School and Johns Hopkins for my specialties. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where'd you go to high school? It's like that's. It's. Hang on, it's annoying. So trust. You do not want to go out. I am ready. What are my three choices? Story number one is called The Bird that Came to Life.

00:40:24:15 - 00:40:57:20
Unknown
Number two. Number two is called I Stole Her Bike. Story number three is called Licking Sharpies. And so you got to pick it. You're picking which story he's going to. You only get one, Carl. It's between sharpies or birds. So you pick the bird that came to life or licking sharpies. Yes. Let's go licking sharpies. I knew that's when you're not picking.

00:40:58:19 - 00:41:18:04
Unknown
I knew. I just had a feeling that's the way I was going to go with birds, but then I was like, He knows I'm going to choose birds. And I knew you knew that. So I knew that you wouldn't do that. Oh, okay. Okay. Inception here. Let's talk about drugs. This is your brain on. Do you want to start a tab?

00:41:18:04 - 00:41:42:17
Unknown
No, I. So, my senior year of college, West Virginia, every single friend I had decided we're all going to spring break together. It's our last hurrah. And where do we go? The great city of Panama City, Florida, which at the time was just a, you know, a bastion of open carried underage drinking in the streets. It was incredible and terrific.

00:41:43:09 - 00:42:06:18
Unknown
We actually rented an entire floor of a hotel and we go down to Panama City Beach and it's just complete debauchery. You know, I think I brought down like the probably seven or eight handles of tequila. And then there's those pre-made margarita buckets where you just add the tequila. Right? And I was just drinking that out of a pour spout all week.

00:42:06:20 - 00:42:30:21
Unknown
So it was spring break. And also I also was eating drugs like cereal. I was just anything I could get my head, you know, Molly and we're probably doing a little too much cocaine. We're smoking weed. And it was just it was debaucherous, right? Sodom and Gomorrah. So getting close to the last day of the trip, you know, all these hotels have, like a pool party, right?

00:42:31:03 - 00:42:46:08
Unknown
Really get ratcheted up. We're going to go down to the pool party, we're going to hang out, and then we're going to all go out drinking after we're done with that. And so we go down to the pool party and they're doing like, you know, they have like a DJ there at the party and there's like, it's a giant hotel.

00:42:46:08 - 00:43:09:01
Unknown
So there's hundreds maybe even like, like a thousand people at this giant pool party. And deejays go in and they do like little games in between songs. They bring people on stage, you know, you do something embarrassing and then whoever is the quote unquote winner is decided by the angry mob. That person gets some prize rape, alcohol or free happy hour at some bar in town or something.

00:43:09:14 - 00:43:33:10
Unknown
So they announce that they're going to be giving away a free spring break for the following year, that this company that helped us booked the trip will be giving away a free spring break to whoever had the sexiest tattoo anywhere in the pool party. And my drunk brain was like, I've got this one, this no one is going to touch me when it comes to this one.

00:43:33:10 - 00:44:03:06
Unknown
So I have a tattoo on my ass and I knew that if I got up there and just dropped my pants in front of everybody on stage, I'm going to win this. So I know all this, you know, And again, I'm very I'm verging on like a brownout at this point. And girls and guys are coming up on stage and like, guys have things to say like revolution on their arm or like, you know, some girl has like a Bible verse on her on her ribs or like a little hard on her hip or something like that.

00:44:03:13 - 00:44:24:03
Unknown
It smells like walk up and tell your name. And then and then, you know, show your tattoo. And so I walk up, they put the microphone on my face. They were like, Tell your name, Wavefront. And I just turn around and drop my pants and burn the entire room and my tattoo is a natty bow. Faces this little, like, mustached man with a little winky.

00:44:25:02 - 00:44:53:20
Unknown
It's all like winking at them and the crowd goes crazy. I win the free spring break. I'm. I'm in one of those modes, right where I'm like, Oh, my God, I won something stupid. And I rush of adrenaline. Yeah. So the drinking that was already excessive then really ratchets up over the next hour and everybody's like, Well, hey, you just want a free spring break and there's like four tickets with it.

00:44:53:20 - 00:45:11:04
Unknown
People start being nice to me, everybody. Oh, you got all of the drugs, All of the beer, All of the booze. Hey, man, don't take Somali. Hey, man, you want to smoke this blood? Hey, let's check on this beat, right? I go was work over the next hour, pool party and friends go. We got to go out to a bar.

00:45:11:07 - 00:45:43:08
Unknown
Okay, Harpoon Hanna's going to this bar, and we get there, and I walk in, I'm wobbling, and the bouncer at the front door goes, Hey, man, you sure you're all right? You're not going to fall asleep in here, right? I can fall asleep like that. I'm good. You know, like 2 minutes in the bar, I fall asleep on my bar stool, and because there's no back or sides to it, I literally fall asleep and just right out of the ground, hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.

00:45:43:08 - 00:46:04:11
Unknown
Keep sleeping. I'm woken up by the giant bouncer who's picking me up, and he's like, You got to go, man. You're done. Your dad kicks me out. All right, now, this is a monster. Big, you know, beach bar. There's multiple different doors. So he kicks me out, and I have that moment of, like, lucid clarity. Not true. I'm not drunk, I'm fine.

00:46:04:11 - 00:46:29:09
Unknown
And I run around to the front of the of the building and I get back in before that bouncer has been able to coordinate with the rest of the staff that, like, this guy's done. Oh, no front door. That then lets me back in and so for the next 20 minutes, I'm like ducking the first bouncer and I'm like, trying to get away from trying to get away from only to sit on a bar seat, fall asleep and fall off again.

00:46:29:09 - 00:46:55:23
Unknown
I second time upon the second time that bouncer says to himself, okay, this kid is done. But I got to make sure everybody knows he can't get back in. Right. That a blue sharpie covers the entire back of my hand. Okay. In blue, Sharpies takes a black Sharpie, comes the entire back of my other hand, black Sharpie. So I just have like a me back out on the curb.

00:46:57:04 - 00:47:15:06
Unknown
And I don't know if the drugs were on a slow release, but this is when the Molly started. Oh, my God. I'm like, I feel like I'm like, Am I a balloon now? Like, what the fuck is going on? I'm like, you know, I painted blue and black and I start freaking out. All I, all I know in my head is I'm really high.

00:47:15:10 - 00:47:39:20
Unknown
I'm alone out on this curb. I got to get back into the spa. Oh, no. And so the only way I'm going to get the Sharpie is I'm going to start licking, because it wasn't. So I'm just like, licking the back of my hands, trying to get enough saliva, scrub sharpie, and, yeah, I'm going to pause for laughter there.

00:47:40:05 - 00:48:07:03
Unknown
I could always see your dress like you're looking like a cat, right? Because you think it was faster that it was. And you're right. And to my credit, I do a pretty good job. And so the women like your licking abilities to help. Yeah, I mean, that's a chrome off trailer for gardeners. Hey. Hey, motherfucker. You're staying in our spare bedroom.

00:48:07:03 - 00:48:30:12
Unknown
Yeah, That's what happens in East Coast. Stays in the East Coast. That's it. That's a deep cut. Right? All right, I'm in. Wrap this up. So, anyway, I get most of the Sharpie licked off, and I am. I am, like, ready to, like, reenter the bar. But of course, I've been sitting five feet from the front door, so the bouncer is watching.

00:48:30:23 - 00:48:56:09
Unknown
It's not like that trick. Anybody be on the back of my hand, right? And so I know why. But my drug riddle brain goes, I bet you could break in through the kitchen. Oh, my God. Round I walk around to the very back of the restaurant and there's like, this giant fence. But, you know, like when they chain a fence together, you can kind of like pulling, like, separate.

00:48:57:05 - 00:49:19:14
Unknown
I separate this fence. I jump in. I'm now in this, like, dumpster area. I see a door pop into it. I'm in a dark kitchen. All the lights are off. Kitchen's closed. Nobody's in there. I can't get out of this fucking kitchen. I'm opening doors one after another. So it's. It's a freezer. It's fucking kitchen to save my life.

00:49:19:14 - 00:49:43:14
Unknown
I'm higher and higher. I'm like. I think the agitation is like making the Molly work double, right? I'm just, like, hallucinating and not not understanding what's going on. All of a sudden I throw a door open behind a bar, right behind this bar there are bartenders running back and forth. I like what I like and I just jump out the side of the bar.

00:49:44:02 - 00:50:08:15
Unknown
I end up like seeing a friend flagged down. I go running over. I'm like hanging out for like 5 minutes. I like, try to catch my eyes. You guys never gonna believe this. I got kicked out twice in my head. I, like broken, broken through the kitchen. I was like, I was like, Oh, I'm here, I'm here. And all of a sudden I get a tap on the shoulder and it's a bouncer that I have not seen before.

00:50:08:15 - 00:50:37:11
Unknown
And he's like, You got to go. And I was like, What? Why? And he goes, You're the guy who fell asleep earlier, twice. And and I was like, No, no, I'm not, dude. And he goes, You have Sharpie all over your face. We just watched you fall on the sidewalk, Dude, you have my shit. I don't realize until the next morning my face is just cause you have a whole beard of sharpie that I've licked off the back of my pants.

00:50:37:11 - 00:51:01:02
Unknown
Yes, some of my friends. And that is these Sharpie, like. Wow, that's. That's a wild ride. Not one here. The other. Yeah. Molly's hell of a drug. You're gonna have to have me back on time. Maybe we just do an episode. Well, we're all a mile away and just see where it leads us all. Oh. Oh, now, no, that's going too far.

00:51:02:09 - 00:51:33:17
Unknown
That's. That's the. That's. That's the $100 per patron episode. Right there. I'm great. I'm brave with the mike in front of me. But I don't know. I don't know that the things I might say, it's a safe space where I'd say space saver space. We're just going to broadcast like everybody, everyone with a live stream on every platform humanly possible that's going to be we're going to change the show to Do you want to start a prison?

00:51:33:17 - 00:51:52:12
Unknown
Yeah. Do you want to start a parole? Yeah, they do. They're man like there's there's. How did you not get arrested? That's what I want to know. A lot of people. So almost every so all three stories I was going to tell you tonight and most of my stories, people constantly ask me, how do you not get arrested?

00:51:52:23 - 00:52:23:10
Unknown
It's part of it is I have a golden horseshoe up my ass. I have crazy. Thing is, I, even though I'm a very aggressive person, I am not intimidating, right? It's not super tall. I'm not like jacked. I'm not mean when I'm drunk. Right. And I think that what that does for me in a lot of these like really intoxicated contexts is they're like, Oh, he's not a threat, an idiot any Right idiot, Right.

00:52:23:10 - 00:52:47:04
Unknown
Like he's a pinball that's just going to, like, bounce from, like, things. The thing, the thing. I'm also a I, I'm good. I'm better at talking myself out of shit than I'm good at talking myself into shit. Right. Good. That so? I don't know. I think it just comes with the territory. I've gotten very lucky in my dad, but I'm not like there haven't been stories that ended in handcuffs.

00:52:47:04 - 00:53:04:16
Unknown
But I will. I will say this. I am a little bit too scared to come and hang out with you for a couple of days. You're a scared. I'm a scared baby. I'm a scared. I'm afraid that he's not going to make his plane. I was going to say good thing we're not going to a show that like it's the adrenaline up or anything.

00:53:04:18 - 00:53:26:01
Unknown
No, no, not at all. But. All right. So be on a warpath, man. I'm going to do it. I'm going to give this story a fucking five, man. It's three. It. No. Yes, I'll do that. Yes, I'm blowing. I'm blowing my load on. You see? I'm blowing my load on you. I mean, because, like. Like let me put myself in the perspective of a bouncer here.

00:53:27:10 - 00:53:51:10
Unknown
Drunk ass, college kid gets kicked out during spring break, makes sense. Comes back and gets kicked out again. Sure. Third time. Third time in the kitchen. But you're watching the eating out there. Live this fucking poor business trying to get it off because you know what he's trying to do? Like you already, you know, like this dumb fucker, right And then, like, I didn't back it.

00:53:51:14 - 00:54:10:13
Unknown
You know what they probably did? The next day, they went to look at the footage, the video surveillance of you fucking breaking it in. You know, they probably went and watched it. It's like those it's like those videos where you see like deer trapped in buildings. They're just wrecking everything. All right. So another reason why this is of a five to me is I never went on spring break.

00:54:10:13 - 00:54:41:01
Unknown
Right. Like, I never went to, like, Florida for a week and just partied hard. So I can't relate to this story at all because I just never experienced it, you know? I mean, I've done some things like this. I mean, you think about movies that they talk about a spring break, like jump or 22 Jump Street and Spring Breakers, and you watch all the movies that take place in Panama City, and that might be like on par with the Hollywood version of spring break, which is I think I think we sat down for a while.

00:54:41:01 - 00:54:49:02
Unknown
We can probably write a decent like, you know, 40 minute independent film about like experience and just like about being trapped in the kitchen. All right.

00:54:51:05 - 00:55:14:16
Unknown
It's you know, I think I think when you bring enough substances into the same pot, think things are going to happen. Oh, I got I got a friend. I got yeah, this story's actually full. But I basically had a friend who was our Molly at a strip club left by himself. And then he the strip club was like, is like six miles outside of town.

00:55:14:22 - 00:55:34:01
Unknown
He had ventured back from the strip club into town, and the story he told us is very similar to that. I am not going to call this guy up because a he or whatever. Right. But we'll talk in person about this. But it's it's very similar kind of to yours, but it's a unique story. But anyways, sounds like a journey.

00:55:34:08 - 00:55:54:03
Unknown
Oh yeah. Hey was a journey for him. It's a saga. So, Riley, what do you rate your stories? Steve's I'm liking the Sharpies. Yes. It's the thinking. You can lick your hands for me. I'm going to give you a 4.9 clean. Okay, You get it? Let's get it right. You pass it to your face. You licked your hands clean.

00:55:55:01 - 00:56:22:18
Unknown
They did not change your face. Yeah, You look like. You look like Mel Gibson from Braveheart, right? Yeah. Like a blue streak down your fucking face. Yes. Correct. Right through to kick it. So I should've yelled when I came out behind the bar, Right? I was trapped in that kitchen for long. It was the Molly I've done. I bet you I bet you were there for, like, 2 minutes.

00:56:24:00 - 00:56:30:10
Unknown
I know, but. But. But for my. For my consciousness. I was in the dark.

00:56:33:21 - 00:56:55:17
Unknown
I'm going to go 4.9 because I feel like if I give it a five, that's like that's taking away the glory of something that could be. Yeah, higher. I agree. Riley 4.9 I think. Karl. Karl, I'm going to I'm going to subtract yours go for four point may be exactly. This is it. Oh, I didn't know that's how this works.

00:56:55:17 - 00:57:12:07
Unknown
Very well. Thanks for letting me know how the rules of my fucking podcast work. You know, Listen, I don't want to. I don't. I don't want to take control of your show, but I just feel like. I feel like that elusive five is still out there. And I mean, so. So you're one day on on the on the.

00:57:12:11 - 00:57:32:13
Unknown
All right. But I don't I cannot take credit. Okay, fine. Or you know what? Fuck you. We're going for three then. Oh, my God. Come on. All right, so we're all So you put yourself out of it. We're searching for that unicorn right here in this networking thing. Is this is ever going to be a five, right? Damn.

00:57:32:13 - 00:57:57:02
Unknown
Straight out of all of your stories that you have your own experiences, what do you write Your story? I will. I to me, to me, just because I know myself, I think that's like ridiculous behavior for you. Right? Right. I'm a relentless human being. So like, when I get an idea in my head, that's it. That's what is going to happen.

00:57:57:11 - 00:58:18:13
Unknown
So I don't really think that it's that insane. Like, I feel like a lot of the stories that I could have told you tonight and that I have are in a similar vein. Like Steve is an idiot. Steve is determined to be an idiot out of the gutter of being an idiot. Steve acts more like an idiot right?

00:58:18:13 - 00:58:45:12
Unknown
It's a vicious cycle. So I'm going to give it like a 346 course as far as uniqueness. Okay, So how about the love from you guys? Okay, so how long how long you been with your girlfriend? For now we're going on three years. What would she rate this story of? Of These stories? Probably like a want typical to rape us.

00:58:45:12 - 00:59:07:11
Unknown
Another Tuesday here in Baltimore. She was she was just lamenting the fact that this past football season I went to a Ravens game with a bunch of buddies and got absolutely shellacked. And she found me after looking for 3 hours on sleep on somebody porch in South Baltimore Federal help, she said, like scrape me off the sidewalk and put me in the car stuff.

00:59:08:19 - 00:59:34:08
Unknown
She is a patient. Patient I receive so people want to hear more of your interesting stories. Where what would you like to plug or let people know? Thank you, Carl. And Riley. It's a wonderful program and thank you for coming on our show. Carl The Bartender Rant podcast is what I'd like everybody to check out my wonderful co-host, Mike Windsor.

00:59:34:17 - 00:59:55:22
Unknown
We are about to celebrate our 50th episode, which we're very excited about. Awesome. My mother is going to be our guest for our 50th episode. Oh, wow. Tell some of these stories, but we'll see how that goes. You know, it's a ton of fun. We obviously do more of a long form show. We interview local bartenders about in the service business.

00:59:55:22 - 01:00:14:22
Unknown
We have them make us their favorite cocktail and we take them through a series of questions that we call the gantlet. And we are on all platforms where you get your podcast. Give us, listen, and of course, check out all these wonderful things that we do. You want to start a tap crew, a patrons? Well, yeah, no, I love your guys podcast.

01:00:14:22 - 01:00:32:15
Unknown
I mean, it's longer form, so, you know, you're taking a trip, you know, or you're working all day. You know, in an environment we use a podcast is a good time because that's what's great about your show and our show, right? Like it's taking these stories that people just live and like just showcasing them to everyone else, like it happens on the day.

01:00:32:15 - 01:00:57:03
Unknown
These aren't like unique stories, like it happens all the time. It's commiseration at its finest, right? Yes. Yeah, Commiseration for sure. Bartenders live big, so yeah, we've heard some crazy stories and we have future stories that we're going to learn about, right? That we have no idea. We don't know what's going to happen in that you have no idea what the fuck you're going to walk to on a Sunday night bartending, right?

01:00:57:05 - 01:01:21:03
Unknown
Yeah. That's what's so evergreen about this business is, you know, I could go on. I'm. I'm going to bartend tonight in my clothes, and I have no idea if by the time Mike and I record the next show, I'm going to have a whole new load of bullshit. So, yeah, what we're going to do now is we're going to talk more just a little bit.

01:01:21:03 - 01:01:44:09
Unknown
Stroke number two in one hour. We're going to talk more with Steve on our bonus episode called Last Call. That is specifically on our passion for an amazing $3 a month. Just $3 a month you get X, same as a cover charge from last week's story, right? Exactly. You can't even buy a fucking beer for $3 sometimes, depending if it's part of an 18 pack.

01:01:44:09 - 01:02:03:17
Unknown
You might be right. But see, I'd go check out us on page one for $3 month, get bonus episodes of our guests, learn about why are they bartending, are just random casual conversations. Riley and I will start adding our own content about the day she fell in love with me. Well, he fixed my dryer, and that's the story.

01:02:03:17 - 01:02:22:04
Unknown
I fixed the dryer. And that is not that's not that's not a sign of indoor window or anything that is inherently fixed by dryer. Right. So a handyman for another job over here. And just remember, don't be a dick tip. Your bartender and drink responsibly. This is.