Do You Want to Start a Tab?

[TRANSCRIPT]
0:00:00 - (Steve): I've only done a handful of live streams, and I'm exactly the same. And I'm like, what's wrong?
0:00:04 - (Carl): Everyone in the service industry has a story, crazy customers, wild orders, and WTF moments. Do you want to start a tab? The podcast? Here to bring you those tales from behind the bar. My name is Carl, and it's been a crazy ride so far. Bartending for 13 years.
0:00:19 - (Riley): My name is Riley, and I've been there for ten of it.
0:00:22 - (Carl): Ten. That's a long fucking time.
0:00:23 - (Riley): Almost.
0:00:23 - (Carl): I pay you a lot of money. Need to be with me for ten years. I'm broke. But we are both super excited for today's episode. Yes. First of all, it's our 50th episode. Yes. Which is fucking bonkers that we've been doing this for a year now. Almost technically a year now.
0:00:40 - (Riley): Right?
0:00:40 - (Carl): And second of all, we have another banger guest on today's episode. If you don't know who the fuck he is and why are you listening to this podcast? I have no idea. But we have Steve the bartender, the man, the myth, the legend. How you doing today, bud?
0:00:57 - (Steve): Well, thank you so much for having me on board. I'm keen to have a chat.
0:01:01 - (Carl): Right, awesome. So for in case anyone who listens to this podcast and doesn't know who you are, do you have a 32nd elevator pitch? Elevator pitch of who you are?
0:01:12 - (Steve): Every single time someone asks me what I do, I'm like, I don't know. I dabble in too many things, but I guess you could say bartender or at least ex bartender, YouTube bartender author. So I've recently written a book about cocktails and part time distiller as.
0:01:30 - (Carl): Yeah, that's are a man of many hats. Yeah, you are a busy man for sure. And it seems like everything you do turns out pretty well. And I know I started watching your channel. Fuck, I think I don't even know how many years ago, but very, a lot, many years ago. A lot, many, a lot, many. Yes. We're already off to a rough start.
0:01:53 - (Steve): Did it happen to be in 2020? Because that's when everyone started watching cocktail channel.
0:01:57 - (Carl): Oh, I actually started watching before that. I remember you being in this little room. The quality wasn't the greatest and stuff like that. And I was like, I want to do that. And then like, fucking three or four years later, I finally did.
0:02:11 - (Riley): Right.
0:02:11 - (Carl): But, yeah, I don't know. It's always a fun honor. And what's awesome is you have actually featured us, or you called us out twice on your videos before on your 400,000 or 500,000 episode 250 and then breakfast shot.
0:02:30 - (Steve): Amazon's and orange juice and bacon. Was that right?
0:02:37 - (Carl): Sorry. And then your 700,000 episode. The good old Malort.
0:02:42 - (Riley): Good.
0:02:43 - (Steve): Thanks.
0:02:45 - (Riley): Fuck you. Right?
0:02:47 - (Steve): I think I actually saved like one nip of it. One measure just. I don't know why. For keepsake.
0:02:55 - (Carl): One of these days you're going to have a buddy come over or your father in law come over and you're like, here, try this amazing thing, right? So what we do on this lovely little podcast is we read stories off the Internet in the hospitality industry and then we talk about it, discuss. It could have been handled differently, or maybe it was handled perfectly, right? Is there a hero? Is there an asshole? And then we rate the story one through five. One being your average story and five being a unique situation that one of.
0:03:29 - (Riley): The stories that you run home and tell your friends about, right? Guys, you'll never guess what I just saw.
0:03:35 - (Carl): I lick sharpies off my back of my hands. And then today, since we have a guest, Steve is going to tell us one, maybe two stories. We'll see how we see how he's feeling. And then we will talk about his stories. And if he's an asshole in one of his own stories, we will tell him he's an asshole. But he already knows if he also like to.
0:03:57 - (Steve): It all depends on this first story. I'm going to gauge what your level of asshole is. Proceed from there.
0:04:07 - (Carl): Right?
0:04:08 - (Riley): I mean, I'm married to Carl, so I have a pretty high threshold tolerance for asshole.
0:04:15 - (Carl): Shut up. So we also like to dabble in adult beverages since we are cocktail people. Yes.
0:04:24 - (Riley): Bartender. Former bartenders.
0:04:27 - (Carl): Yeah. So Steve, it is what, 1030 in the morning? Almost eleven where you're at, correct?
0:04:34 - (Steve): Yeah, almost eleven. It's pretty early, so I'm on the green teas at the moment.
0:04:39 - (Carl): That's a perfectly acceptable answer.
0:04:42 - (Riley): You know that's a shot, right?
0:04:45 - (Carl): Have you had a green tea shot before?
0:04:46 - (Steve): No, I've had a green tea liqueur. But what's the shot?
0:04:49 - (Carl): The shot is, if I remember off the top of my head, it is Jameson Peach knobs, sour mix. And then you shake that and then you strain it and you top it off with like Sierra mist or seven up or something like that. It's all right. It's like a party.
0:05:07 - (Riley): It's a crowd pleaser. It's sweet, but not too sweet like.
0:05:11 - (Carl): When you have bachelor at parties. There's ten females.
0:05:14 - (Riley): We want a shot.
0:05:15 - (Carl): That's what they fucking want. So what we're drinking is Riley decided to. Oh, does this look familiar at all to you?
0:05:24 - (Steve): Yes, it does.
0:05:30 - (Carl): Riley. I had Riley while I was setting up. Pick out a drink out of here that we have not had before. Yes. And we are doing the Royal Bermuda Yacht Club. Yep. So that is 2oz of aged rum, half ounce of philarnum, quarter ounce orange carousel, and three, four lime juice. So we made three of them and divided up between the two of us.
0:05:52 - (Riley): Yep.
0:05:52 - (Carl): So let's give this bad boy cheers. Steve, again, appreciate you being on cheers.
0:05:59 - (Riley): That's delightful.
0:06:00 - (Carl): That's delightful. I mean, any riff of Didachri is fucking amazing. So you can't really go too wrong. All right, let's see. I read that one. Let's read this one. Let's see how this goes. All right, so I like to read subreddits of am I the asshole? Because it fits my Persona very well.
0:06:17 - (Riley): And you get some fun content, right?
0:06:20 - (Carl): Exactly. So this was posted one year ago.
0:06:26 - (Steve): Is this specifically bar stories or generic bar stories?
0:06:30 - (Carl): So I'll go to a subreddit, and then we just type in, like, bartender or restaurant, and then read stories specifically based off that. We were just going to do just bar stories, but then we just kind of expanded that to all hospitality. Because sometimes there's really good restaurant stories, too. Yes.
0:06:48 - (Riley): If we limited it, we wouldn't get as many of the bartender server feud.
0:06:55 - (Carl): Yeah, or we did a server who did coke off a bartender's tit one time in the cooler or something like that. They're fun stories.
0:07:06 - (Steve): My stories are going to be so lame.
0:07:10 - (Carl): Hey, not all stories need to be fives. That's what we tell people, right? All right, so this was also posted one year ago from Hy. Who cares what their username is? Just a bunch of random letters. Am I the asshole for having an argument with a bartender and restaurant manager over an $8 appetizer? Starts with my husband and I both having shitty days. Irrespective of each other. We decide to go to. Or we decide to go have. Pala. Pala. P-A-E-L-L-A.
0:07:40 - (Riley): Paella.
0:07:41 - (Carl): Okay, this is also.
0:07:43 - (Riley): Do you want me to read this story once? Do you need me to read it? You're struggling in the first sentence.
0:07:53 - (Carl): I've read this story to myself. I just didn't know what that word was. Paella.
0:08:01 - (Riley): Yep.
0:08:02 - (Carl): Okay, let's start.
0:08:05 - (Steve): Spanish rice dish.
0:08:07 - (Carl): Yeah. With shrimp. Oh, boy. Hey, it's all right, Steve, you didn't pronounce tahin correctly the first time. Right. I remember that video. You're like, okay, but paella yeah, whatever. I'm trying to make myself feel better. Shut up. All right, here we go. Sorry, Steven.
0:08:28 - (Steve): Also, there's not a huge spanish speaking community in Australia, so there's heaps of spanish words that you guys are very familiar with. And me, it's like, no, that's all right.
0:08:40 - (Carl): I'm just trying to throw you under the bus with myself.
0:08:44 - (Riley): Bring other people down so you feel better. Way to be an asshole, coral.
0:08:48 - (Carl): My therapist told me to do so.
0:08:50 - (Riley): It's okay.
0:08:52 - (Carl): All right. Starts with hubs.
0:08:55 - (Steve): Who's the asshole in this story?
0:08:58 - (Carl): It's always Carl. Starts with my husband and I. Both having shitty days. Irrespective of each other. We decide to have paella. Small spanish place, five minutes from home and never been there. Has good reviews. We either had to wait for a table or sit at a nearly empty bar. Sit at a bar to get the paella faster. We sit and go back and forth with the bartender, order drinks, empanada app, and the large paella.
0:09:25 - (Carl): We drink, eat, compliment the delicious salsa, or we complement the delicious salsa for the empanadas. We finish the glorious paella. Plate comes out. We start scooping and eating, laughing, eating. Need salt. Get salt. I go for another scoop. Make sure to catch a couple more mussels this time. Talking. Husband is eating. I poke a fork into my muscle. The problem is, this lady does not have paragraphs. It's just one long, massive.
0:09:56 - (Riley): She doesn't write in full sentences either, right?
0:09:58 - (Carl): So I poke a fork into my muscle. Husband pauses, has a weird look on his face. Did somebody just walk by us and fart? What? I laugh as I catch a whiff and realize it's coming from my plate. I pat his shoulder as he's looking around to see who could have done such a thing. I quietly point to my plate and laugh. Husband sniffs it. No way. Oh, way. We laugh. I flag the bartender. He sniffs it and quickly backs up. Takes the plate away, mumbling sorry under his breath.
0:10:28 - (Carl): Comes back and asks us if we want anything else. Anything but the paella. Ha ha, he says. We politely laugh. I decline. Hubby grumbles that he's still hungry, looks over the menu. I point to the pork chop appetizer. Get this, I say. It's not seafood and should be filling orders. It. Eats it. It's tasty. He's satisfied. We sit back, finish drinks. Check comes out. Paella is not on there, but the empanadas, pork chops, two beers, two martinis are all on there. And this is where I lose it.
0:11:02 - (Carl): Why the fuck would you fucking charge us for the fucking pork chops? Why? You have just fucking lost a customer. I scream in my head, but politely asks the bartender why he would do that. He answers, well, your husband ate them. But I took off the paella. It's a $40 paella. Which I reply, but why? You guys served me rotten mussels. I didn't make a fuss about it. The least you could do is comp the paella. But why charges for the $8 pork chops? Like, that's just a horrible customer service. To which he replies, that's our policy.
0:11:32 - (Carl): He ate it. Husband gives the card to Ron, and I ask to talk to the manager. We pay, don't tip. Manager comes over and starts mumbling something about being sorry for our experience. To which I say, did you smell it? Did you smell that nasty thing that I almost ate? He mumbles something about apologizing for the chef, to which I reply, usually the chef comes out to apologize for these types of things, but that's not the point. Why in the world would you charge us for the pork chops? That's just horrible customer service. At this point, I quit laughing, and we walk out laughing, making fun of the situation.
0:12:05 - (Carl): I did not post this on socials. I did not leave a one star review. You, I chose to be anonymous forum on. Am I the asshole?
0:12:15 - (Riley): That was a struggle for you to read.
0:12:17 - (Carl): It's one fucking paragraph. So did we get the story?
0:12:22 - (Riley): Did the story make we understand the.
0:12:26 - (Carl): Okay, this is actually kind of, I think, a good story for us because you are on the other side of the world, and so I don't know how things are handled in Australia when things like this happen. What is your take on this story or view of it?
0:12:42 - (Steve): Well, say if I was the person that was like, I feel like the right thing to do would be to comp something right and talk it over, smooth it over with people, because you pretty much almost poison someone with food.
0:12:56 - (Riley): Right.
0:12:57 - (Steve): But in saying that, her reaction is just, like, not reasonable. If she literally just talked it through and said, hey, guys, this is what happened, and I'm not happy, then they'd probably be more obliged to do something. Kind of. Both buddies are at fault to some degree. What do you guys think?
0:13:17 - (Riley): I agree. First of all, I think the bartender should have absolutely been more apologetic at the jump, and if the bartender had been more apologetic at the jump, we might not be here. I also think that you ordered a $40 paella. You settled for an $8 pork chop. I mean, you're still winning, right?
0:13:38 - (Carl): Because you're not paying for that $40.
0:13:41 - (Riley): So is $8 really that big of a deal to basically throw a hissy fit over?
0:13:49 - (Carl): And that's probably her side of it, right? Is like, why are you guys not comping me $8 for?
0:13:55 - (Riley): And if it were me, instead of comping the pork chops, I would have been like, hey, why don't you just comp the drinks or something, right? Like, the bartender should have comped around.
0:14:08 - (Steve): Just a gesture, right? Here. Here's one drink. And that gesture would have smoothed things over, and it all would have been fine.
0:14:16 - (Carl): You're right. Like, hey, let me get this pie out of the way for you. Let me get you another round on us, right? And then if you guys want something else, let me know. But this next round is on us. We apologize.
0:14:29 - (Riley): And honestly, for a restaurant, comping a round of drinks is going to be more beneficial for everybody because the markup on drinks is significantly more in the restaurant's favor, right?
0:14:42 - (Carl): Because it's cheaper to comp a couple of ounces of booze than it is for a kitchen, for food, and for that kitchen to cook that food, right, it costs more.
0:14:52 - (Steve): And then you turn that negative experience into a positive one by just comping them one drink. And then they're like, even though there was an issue, we're still happy with the place and we'll come back, right, exactly.
0:15:03 - (Carl): I will say this. When I started serving and bartending, when you have not been properly trained or even if you've been properly trained, but never put in this type of situation, like, where these people are complaining, they're kind of flying off the handle. Well, I shouldn't say everyone, but I would kind of shut down and not know what to do and what to say properly because I'm like, oh, my God, this is happening.
0:15:28 - (Carl): I know this is going to happen. So it's kind of hard to know what to do. For the first time this has ever happened to you. I'm not saying this server or bartender, this was the first time because I don't know that, but I'm just saying if it was one of his first experiences and not used to it, right?
0:15:41 - (Riley): And my thing is, if you had something to say to me as a server, like, hey, why did you charge me for this? Hey, you know what? Let me go get my manager, right? Take me out of this. Let me tag in somebody who's got a higher scope of support than I do.
0:15:56 - (Carl): Yeah, this goes back to ladder ep. Go ahead.
0:16:01 - (Steve): Sorry if that was actually the house policy. Then. That's coming from the top down. And then he's just following orders.
0:16:07 - (Riley): Basically, yes. Still not my job to communicate those orders.
0:16:12 - (Carl): Yeah, exactly.
0:16:13 - (Steve): He's put in this awkward position.
0:16:15 - (Carl): Right. And it's not his job to keep validating. He said, I'm just doing my job.
0:16:21 - (Riley): Right? I'm just doing my job. Let me go get the manager. He'll be able to explain it to you better. And the manager probably could have come out and been like, hey, let me give you 10% off.
0:16:30 - (Carl): Right.
0:16:30 - (Riley): And they still would have been fine.
0:16:32 - (Carl): Right. Or even like, here's a $40 gift card for next time.
0:16:36 - (Riley): Right?
0:16:37 - (Carl): Yeah. I think both sides of this was not. Obviously, I know they're having a bad day, and this is what happens in any public interaction. You don't know what that other person has been through. If it's I'm a customer and you're the employee or other way, you don't know, man. Did this person just find out that their significant other was cheating on them? Did the kid get suspended from school today? There's so many variables that just were all.
0:17:03 - (Carl): It's hard to keep your emotions and personal life outside of how things get handled, interacting with other people. And it can, unfortunately, bleed over and make situations that could have been handled perfect or better than something like this.
0:17:17 - (Riley): Right. So at the end of the day, do we think that the op was an.
0:17:26 - (Carl): It? You. I'm assuming, Steve, you think the op is an asshole in this, the customer.
0:17:30 - (Steve): Purely because of the way she flipped her lid, like, went a little bit over the top.
0:17:36 - (Riley): Right.
0:17:36 - (Steve): It's the approach probably stemmed from her having a bad day.
0:17:40 - (Riley): Right. It's the approach, not the behavior.
0:17:42 - (Carl): Yeah, her reasonings are fine.
0:17:45 - (Riley): Her reasonings are valid.
0:17:46 - (Carl): Yeah. It's just the way she did it.
0:17:49 - (Riley): Right. The way that she did it implies a level of entitlement, that. It's very cultural, I think, like, you need to make it right with me, but I don't think there's a non asshole party in this situation.
0:18:06 - (Carl): Right.
0:18:06 - (Riley): But I do think the op falls into that category.
0:18:08 - (Carl): Yeah. I think everyone in this story is an asshole. Even the fucking cooks are sending out rotten muscles.
0:18:14 - (Riley): Right.
0:18:18 - (Steve): But the op is the head asshole.
0:18:21 - (Carl): Yeah, head asshole.
0:18:22 - (Riley): Honestly, I think the bartender was a head asshole.
0:18:24 - (Carl): Yeah.
0:18:25 - (Riley): Because they didn't like, the least you can do is like, I'm so sorry. Let me take care of this for you.
0:18:30 - (Carl): Right.
0:18:30 - (Riley): If he just mumbled under his breath, so. And walked away. Nah, see, that is where I would have gone. From reasonable to like, what the fuck?
0:18:38 - (Carl): Yeah.
0:18:39 - (Riley): And I'm still going to be reasonable when I'm mad anyway because I am just non confrontational like that. But I can understand how somebody like you would flip their lid.
0:18:49 - (Carl): Yeah.
0:18:49 - (Steve): Also the op is probably softening her story as well.
0:18:53 - (Carl): See, and I think that, right, the.
0:18:56 - (Steve): Op is trying to make her look like the nice guy or the nice lady.
0:18:59 - (Riley): Right.
0:18:59 - (Steve): Even though we think she's the asshole. There's probably something more to the story, right? Like the fact that he mumbled, it was probably like maybe what was more pronounced? But she was like, oh, he didn't actually apologize.
0:19:10 - (Carl): That's probably, and see, that's when I first read this story. I'm like, man, she's lowering the value of these employees more to get like, oh, feel sorry for me, right?
0:19:20 - (Riley): I was in the, right here. You guys need to believe me that I didn't just snap unnecessarily.
0:19:26 - (Carl): See, that's why I love doing these fucking things. Because there's their side, there's the server side, and then there's the right side. So we only get one view of it. And that's what's great about doing this. We talk it out and figure it out. Well, we don't actually figure it out.
0:19:39 - (Riley): But we, right, there are three sides to every story. His side, her side, and the truth.
0:19:43 - (Carl): The truth, right. So on a scale, Steve, do you.
0:19:48 - (Steve): Post this video in that original post?
0:19:51 - (Carl): I've done it. Sometimes if the thread is so old they close all comments, but I try to go back into them and post the links to them. So I think it's after like two or three years they automatically close the thread down. But yes, I have done that before and some guy lit me up because I did. I'm like, what gives a fuck? You posted it on fucking Internet.
0:20:17 - (Riley): I told you, right?
0:20:18 - (Carl): If you didn't want to be the.
0:20:19 - (Riley): Asshole, then don't be an asshole forum, right, exactly.
0:20:24 - (Carl): All right, Steve, through your eyes, through your experience in the hospitality industry, how does this story rate to you? Like again, one being this is an everyday, everyday thing, every minute thing. Five being a unique situation. You can use decimal points.
0:20:42 - (Riley): Yes, we've gone to the hundredth place.
0:20:47 - (Steve): I'll just keep it as straight. Too straight, too keep things simple.
0:20:53 - (Carl): I was going to say one six.
0:20:55 - (Riley): Yeah, I'll split the difference at 1818.
0:20:58 - (Carl): Yeah, I mean, because you always get the customer that's entitled, entitled that thinks that she did not think she should be given the world. She just feels like she got pork chop should have been covered, which is fair, but it's just how she handled it. And people handle shit differently. Plus, they're already. Was it two martinis and two beers deep? So they're pretty kind of lit. So again, alcohol does.
0:21:28 - (Steve): Actually, I'll take half a point off for her grammar.
0:21:32 - (Carl): For her grammar.
0:21:34 - (Riley): I mean, that might add half a point because it was so horrific.
0:21:40 - (Carl): So then are you doing then a one five then? Okay. I want to make sure which way you're pointing the take off, I guess. Take off the math.
0:21:51 - (Steve): Subtract as far as excitement level of the story and the uniqueness. Like you said, it's pretty common for maybe something wrong happens with the food and then people have to deal with the situation and then the customer flies off a little lid a little bit. Right. It's not like your original story about people doing cocaine off someone. That's a sex excitement.
0:22:18 - (Riley): But when you think about it, it's probably equally as common.
0:22:20 - (Carl): Right? I mean, in certain cities like New York and shit.
0:22:24 - (Riley): I mean, I worked in a restaurant where I regularly saw people snort coke off of each other.
0:22:32 - (Carl): What restaurant? Said, I like to go work there, please.
0:22:34 - (Riley): They don't exist anymore.
0:22:37 - (Steve): All right, so did you say at a restaurant?
0:22:39 - (Riley): Yeah, I was a server restaurant.
0:22:42 - (Steve): Okay.
0:22:43 - (Carl): Cedar Rapids. Yeah. That one restaurant with the really tall. Yep. Okay, so awesome. So if you have a story about cocaine or return food or anything, who gives a fuck what the story is about? But if you'd like to share that.
0:23:03 - (Riley): If it happened in a restaurant or a bar or outside of one of those two establishments.
0:23:07 - (Carl): Right. Let us know. We have a subreddit called. Do you want to start a tab? It is in the link of any description of any podcast or YouTube that you're watching. This had. We actually had a submission from someone from Steve the bartender group.
0:23:23 - (Riley): Oh, nice.
0:23:25 - (Carl): Toky. Remember, he was a norwegian guy.
0:23:27 - (Riley): Yes.
0:23:28 - (Carl): Do you know, fuck. I don't know how to pronounce his name correctly, but it's like he submitted a story. He submitted a story on our subreddit, which is awesome. And so, yeah, just leave us subreddit. We'll read it, discuss it, talk about it, and tell you what we think of your story is probably a good time. But if you are not a written person. A written person.
0:23:54 - (Riley): Jesus, that worked. Yeah. If you are not a fan of the written language and you would like to speak instead, we have a voicemail.
0:24:01 - (Carl): Voicemail 563-277-0072 you can leave up to a three minute voicemail of a bar experience that happened to you that night going on right now or going as is, and just let us know and we'll play it.
0:24:15 - (Riley): I have one more point to make for the previous story, okay. That I completely forgot about until just now. If you're going to a restaurant and you're ordering seafood, in my experience, maybe you should expect something like this a little bit more, depending on where you are, I guess. I don't know where this restaurant is.
0:24:33 - (Carl): Right.
0:24:33 - (Steve): I would like to know what kind of restaurant it was.
0:24:36 - (Riley): It was a spanish restaurant.
0:24:37 - (Steve): Specialize in seafood. Because that's bad then, right?
0:24:41 - (Riley): It was a small spanish place.
0:24:44 - (Carl): I don't know. I guess I've never mean. I get, like, shrimp, but I don't get any other type of seafood at a spanish restaurant, at least here in Iowa. But I don't think much for that.
0:24:53 - (Riley): But, I mean, we've gone to a few restaurants where we have ordered seafood that we probably should have thought twice about that choice.
0:25:02 - (Carl): Yeah, it's okay.
0:25:04 - (Riley): That place no longer exists either. They got shut down for health code violations.
0:25:11 - (Carl): How is the Seafood in Australia? Is it a thriving thing or is that a big. I have no idea.
0:25:19 - (Steve): Yeah, it's good. So all of our cities are all located on the coastline of Australia. Is pretty desolate. Not much happening there, that's for sure. Where I'm from, they're not too far away. There's a place called Coffin Bay. And there's heaps of oysters farmed out that way, so there's always plenty of seafood. Good fishing.
0:25:39 - (Carl): That's awesome. We need to get to Australia.
0:25:41 - (Riley): Yep.
0:25:41 - (Carl): I'd have fun, except for you and the damn fucking spiders.
0:25:44 - (Riley): Listen, they're the size of dinner.
0:25:48 - (Steve): I'll take you around to all the distilleries and the wineries.
0:25:51 - (Riley): I won't care about spiders anymore.
0:25:53 - (Carl): Right. Liquor courage. I'll fight you. All right.
0:25:58 - (Steve): Snakes, too.
0:25:59 - (Riley): See, I like snakes. I think they're cute. I just don't like spiders. The less legs, the better ones do. What?
0:26:05 - (Steve): Even the deadly ones, they can be.
0:26:08 - (Riley): Cute from a distance.
0:26:12 - (Steve): In saying this, I'm, like, just perpetuating this narrative because I've only ever seen one snake in the wild. Yeah, probably only one. You see spiders all the time. But I think it's just this story that everyone just thinks Australia's just got snakes, sharks, and spiders everywhere.
0:26:32 - (Riley): Listen, I can handle snakes and sharks. I don't need to go in the water. Those aren't dangerous to me.
0:26:39 - (Carl): But the spiders, we'll be okay after a couple of gin cocktails at Steve's. Distillery. You'll be fine. Yeah, sure. All right, Mr. Bartender, do you have a story you'd like to share with us now?
0:26:57 - (Riley): No, it's Mr. The bartender.
0:26:58 - (Carl): Mr. The bartender. Yes, that's correct.
0:27:01 - (Steve): Mr. The bartender. Yes, I do. I feel like this one's kind of lame, but I'm going to share it anyway. So I worked at one of my first bar jobs, was a bit of a dive bar and definitely wasn't the type of bar that you'd order cocktails from. I had no idea what I was doing when I was making cocktails. I had a couple of customers come up during the day, pretty empty bar. They ordered a couple of pina coladas.
0:27:24 - (Steve): I walked upstairs, made the pina colada. It wouldn't have been a good one by any means. Served it to them. They drank it. They drank it, and they came back, like 15 minutes later and they're like, wow, that was amazing. That was such a good pina colada. Can we just have another two? I was like, yeah, sure, no worries. I'll walk over. And I'm the only person on the day shift, so no one's restocked the bar or anything.
0:27:47 - (Steve): And I've, like, put pineapple juice in at that time. I did it with, like, fresh pineapple cream. Then I've reached for the rum and I'm like, there's no rum on the bar. I was like, wait up. I didn't pour any rum in the last drink. I made him, like, a pineapple juice, and I made him a pineapple juice and cream.
0:28:05 - (Riley): You made a virgin pina colada?
0:28:08 - (Steve): Yeah, I made him a virgin pina colada. But my thought process was like, if I put alcohol in it now, they'll find out, so I've got to make them another mocktail. So I made them another mocktail, and then I charged them full price.
0:28:25 - (Carl): That's a great story.
0:28:26 - (Riley): I love it.
0:28:30 - (Carl): Oh, my God. And they loved it, right? As long as they had a good time, that's all that matters, right?
0:28:36 - (Riley): You're not getting drunk off a pina colada. Anyway.
0:28:38 - (Steve): That's what I was. See, there's one of two ways I could just serve it again. They'd be happy, and then they'd be on their merry way. Otherwise, if I told them it was wrong, then I'd have to give them a refund. We'd make less money, right?
0:28:49 - (Carl): Exactly. And they probably tipped you pretty well, right?
0:28:52 - (Riley): Right.
0:28:52 - (Carl): Like, oh, here's a couple of bucks or whatever. So that's awesome.
0:28:56 - (Steve): No tips here.
0:28:58 - (Carl): No tips.
0:28:59 - (Riley): No, they make a living wage.
0:29:01 - (Steve): Yeah, the wages higher.
0:29:04 - (Carl): Got you.
0:29:05 - (Riley): Yeah. They don't get paid $2 an hour plus tips.
0:29:08 - (Carl): Yeah. Hey, I don't get fucking paid $2 an hour. And I'm definitely worth more than that. And I lost fantasy football. So anyways, on that note, fuck you, Alan.
0:29:20 - (Steve): I'll go into my second story.
0:29:21 - (Riley): Yeah, we got to rate it, though. We got to rate your current story, Steve. You were the asshole for sure.
0:29:28 - (Carl): Yes. You're the asshole in this story.
0:29:29 - (Riley): The kind asshole, if they didn't like it, it'd be a different story. But they loved it.
0:29:37 - (Carl): They loved it. And you know what's funny is like, the rest of their lives, like, man, we had this one pina colada. No other pina colada has ever tasted like that one before.
0:29:45 - (Riley): I went back to that bar and.
0:29:47 - (Carl): It wasn't the same ever again.
0:29:50 - (Steve): It was so smooth.
0:29:53 - (Carl): I wonder what rum at all. See, this is why we want stories, right? They don't all need to be unique and fucking crazy because this is actually a great story. I've never heard of someone doing like, in my professionalism, Steve, I've never not given someone alcohol in their cocktail before.
0:30:18 - (Riley): You've forgotten other ingredients.
0:30:20 - (Carl): I forgot another. True, but I honestly. Wow. See, this is hard because it's like, okay, I've actually never even heard of a bartender doing it.
0:30:32 - (Riley): I mean, I'm sure it happens.
0:30:33 - (Carl): It happens.
0:30:34 - (Riley): I'm sure it happens every day.
0:30:37 - (Steve): You've never say if someone's had too much and you haven't put alcohol in and then maybe put just a couple of drops on top so they can smell it.
0:30:46 - (Carl): I've done that. When people order captain and Cokes or Jack and coke, I put less of that spirit in there. But I've had their friends or a family member, hey, next time you make their drink, do what you said, right? Like purposely dilute their cocktail because they won't fucking know the difference. But see, you did it unintentionally the first time. And then your second time, you caught your mistake. You caught your mistake.
0:31:19 - (Riley): So it's an active decision versus true mistake.
0:31:24 - (Carl): Right. I'm going to go three one.
0:31:28 - (Riley): I was going to say around three.
0:31:30 - (Carl): Yeah, because it's. Right. Above average. But it's not too more crazy because again, like you were pointing out, or like you said, we kind of do these bartenders kind of do these things to sway drunks from not getting drunker.
0:31:43 - (Riley): Right.
0:31:44 - (Carl): But at least you figured out your.
0:31:48 - (Steve): It was the middle of the day, they weren't drunk.
0:31:50 - (Riley): Yeah, right. That was a good story.
0:31:56 - (Carl): That was a good story. All right, you got another one you would share with our audience?
0:32:01 - (Steve): Okay. If you thought I was an asshole in that one, you're definitely going to think I'm an asshole in this one.
0:32:04 - (Carl): Yes. Steve, you're going to lose, like, two subscribers from this because you're an asshole now.
0:32:15 - (Steve): Mind you, I haven't worked in a bath for a long time. Well, apart from my tasting room, that still counts.
0:32:21 - (Carl): Sure.
0:32:22 - (Steve): So this was at the same bar we dive bar, really busy, turned over lots of money. But the staff would be quite cheeky sometimes and get away with quite a lot of stuff. Customer comes up to the bar. There's already, like, three people deep at the bar. And he pushes his way to the front, and he's like, yelling at my mate who's serving as well. He's like, just get us a fucking glass of water. Mate's like, whoa, whoa. Just like, wait your turn. Like, I've got, like, 15 other people in front of you. And he just kept yelling at him.
0:32:55 - (Steve): And I was like, whoa, Bret, it's fine. Just let me get this. And I've grabbed a pint glass, so I don't know if that, like, half a liter, right? Filled it with water, and he's like, I just want a fucking glass of water. I'm like, whoa, man, just. I'm getting your glass of water. Just chill. Just chill. And then there's a bar mat on the bathtub, and I've, like.
0:33:16 - (Carl): Filled a.
0:33:17 - (Steve): Pint glass, half a liter of water, and I've slid it like this, hit the bar mat and just thrown it.
0:33:22 - (Riley): Over.
0:33:25 - (Steve): 100% on purpose, threw it at him, and he was just like, what the.
0:33:29 - (Riley): You didn't say how you wanted your water.
0:33:32 - (Steve): He was like, what the fuck? I was like, dude, don't swear at me. I'll get you thrown out. And he's like, oh, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I was like, I'll get you another water, all right, as long as you're polite. And he's like, can I please have a glass of water? I was like, sure, man, no worries. And again, McClass. But it was so obvious that I 100% just, like, threw it on him. My mate next to me was on the floor of the bar laughing.
0:33:56 - (Steve): And this guy's just absolutely saturated. And he apologized to me and then walked off.
0:34:01 - (Riley): I love it.
0:34:02 - (Carl): Fuck, man.
0:34:04 - (Riley): That is everybody's dream when they're dealing with an asshole is to get that revenge, and it's not harmful by any stretch, that is. Hey, this is a very clear example of why? Of the fact that you are being an asshole. And I am communicating that, but I'm not hurting you. Your pride's wounded, right? I love it.
0:34:25 - (Carl): Yeah. I love it.
0:34:26 - (Riley): He was the asshole. You weren't the asshole. That's what we call karma.
0:34:32 - (Carl): We call that a teaching moment.
0:34:33 - (Riley): Yeah.
0:34:36 - (Carl): All right. Okay. So how tall are you, Steve?
0:34:40 - (Steve): Yeah, that comes into play. I'm six eight.
0:34:44 - (Carl): I thought you're, like, six five, but.
0:34:46 - (Riley): This man should have been cowering. If I were a man, and I am six foot tall, I still would be considered tall for a man, right? If I were a man and a man. Six eight comes up. No, I'll help you.
0:35:04 - (Carl): Right.
0:35:05 - (Riley): Please, sir, may I have some water?
0:35:07 - (Carl): Yes. I will do whatever you tell me. But see, that's what's great, because you can get away with shit like that, right? Even if that guy knew you spilt that water on him on purpose, he wasn't going to do anything, to do anything about it. I'm 63, and I'm usually the tallest person in the room or crowd and stuff like that. So that's the only reason I ask, because. Yes, go ahead. Sorry.
0:35:33 - (Steve): I was probably a bit smaller, not shorter, but I was a bit leaner back then. But now I'm, like, 310 pounds. I've always been a bigger person.
0:35:44 - (Carl): Right.
0:35:45 - (Steve): It's been an advantage.
0:35:46 - (Carl): See, if you were born in fucking Texas, you have been a linebacker or fucking something in the NFL and made a fucking billion jillion dollars, because you'd.
0:35:59 - (Riley): Also probably have CTE.
0:36:01 - (Carl): What's that?
0:36:02 - (Steve): And instead I'm a.
0:36:05 - (Carl): Think it's. I think it's also funny, like, when I bartend and people take pictures of me, I'm just, like, hovering over everyone. It is always weird to see a really tall bartender for some reason. I don't know why it is weird.
0:36:17 - (Riley): You can reach all the drinks on top shelf.
0:36:19 - (Carl): Yeah, you can reach all the drinks. But no, I fucking love that. Because I feel like you were less.
0:36:26 - (Riley): Of an asshole in this story than you were in the previous one. Because the previous one, they were very nice people, and you just fucked up. But then you decided to consciously do the same thing. But in this story, he deserved it.
0:36:39 - (Carl): Right?
0:36:41 - (Riley): Cool.
0:36:42 - (Steve): Okay. I get how this works. I thought it was going to be the other way around.
0:36:44 - (Carl): Right?
0:36:44 - (Riley): I feel like people deserving to have something happen to them negates assholery. Right on the deliverer. Right?
0:36:53 - (Carl): Because on story number one, it was two women. Correct. You said, right?
0:36:58 - (Riley): It was a couple of people.
0:36:59 - (Carl): A couple. Okay. So I guess it doesn't matter, but I guess, yes. Like Riley said, you're the bigger asshole. Because I would have just said, you know what? Hey, guys, I kind of fucked up on the first one. I forgot the rum. Here's the right ones. And I'll make you another round after this.
0:37:14 - (Riley): Right. But you or I won't charge you.
0:37:16 - (Carl): For the second round and cover it up and charge full price to double down. This guy's being an asshole to you. And you're like, you know what? Let's just make this situation right. This is a teaching moment. Let's get him under. Let's get him.
0:37:29 - (Riley): This isn't how you treat people. Let me show you why you don't treat people this way.
0:37:34 - (Carl): Yeah, see? Welcome. Did you want to start a tab? See, we reversed it.
0:37:43 - (Riley): Because there's not a single person who has ever worked in retail or bartender in hospitality or in human services that didn't wish they could fight back. And you fought back, but it was harmless, right?
0:37:59 - (Carl): Bartenders do get a little bit of leeway of being an asshole in that manner. Because the response is, you were drunk, you were being a dipshit. I'm the sober one, right? I'm trying to make things right.
0:38:13 - (Steve): It also depends on the kind of bar that you're working at as well.
0:38:16 - (Carl): Absolutely.
0:38:16 - (Steve): More leniency. At the bar I was working at, it was a dive bar, and it was messy.
0:38:22 - (Carl): Right? You're just pumping out cocktails like you said. You're 15 deep. All you're doing is open up beers, pouring Captain Jack and Cokes and shit like that.
0:38:31 - (Riley): My least favorite thing is one of my biggest pet peeves with any bar, but especially dive bars, is I just want a water. Can't you just serve me first? No, fuck you. You wait in line just like everybody else. Especially because you're not paying me anything. I'm giving you water for free. Fuck you.
0:38:47 - (Carl): Right? That's why I believe in water stations. Go over there.
0:38:52 - (Riley): We got water over.
0:38:52 - (Carl): We got water over there.
0:38:53 - (Riley): Go over there in plastic cups.
0:38:54 - (Carl): In plastic cups. No ice. Deal with it.
0:38:57 - (Steve): Bitches yourself.
0:39:00 - (Carl): So what's the rating of this story?
0:39:03 - (Riley): I'm giving this a solid four six.
0:39:05 - (Carl): Whoa.
0:39:07 - (Riley): Because I can think of so many people I would have loved to have done this to, and I never did, and I wanted to.
0:39:18 - (Carl): I was going to go three eight, but I think I'm going to go four one. Because then having your fucking, your buddy die laughing on the fucking floor.
0:39:31 - (Riley): Nobody'S productive for the next 15 minutes. Nobody's getting served, but everybody is fine with it.
0:39:37 - (Carl): But I could also see this in a movie, right, where the little guy is trying to do the thing, and now the big guy comes like, I got this. And he's like, oh, fuck, I fucked up. But I'm going to still ask for that water in an asshole way, right?
0:39:51 - (Riley): I'm not backing down. Never back down. Goonies never say die.
0:39:55 - (Carl): Goonies never say die. All right, Steve, so we appreciate.
0:40:01 - (Steve): What's your highest score so far?
0:40:04 - (Carl): Four six or four eight?
0:40:06 - (Riley): I think we may have given a five.
0:40:09 - (Carl): No, because steve didn't let us give him. So there's this other podcast called the Bartender Rant podcast, and they kind of do something like this, but they take one guest, ask them ten. It's ten same questions for every guest. And it's like random questions about stories and shit like that.
0:40:27 - (Riley): There's ten questions. They call it the gauntlet. So all of the bartenders go through the gauntlet, and they answer the same question, the same ten questions.
0:40:34 - (Carl): So we had one of the hosts on, and he told us this fucking crazy story about, it's spring break, he's in Florida, he's fucked up on everything. Coke, Molly, alcohol. And he gets kicked out of the bar several times, and then three times. Three times. And he sneaks back in to the bar. They kick him out again, and he put sharpies on his hands so that everyone knows he's not allowed in the bar. Well, then he sneaks back in, and then he starts trying to lick the sharpies off of his palms. He has sharpie all over his face.
0:41:12 - (Riley): So he's a sharpie beard.
0:41:13 - (Carl): Right.
0:41:14 - (Riley): And he thinks he can get back into the bar because he doesn't have to dot his hands anymore.
0:41:17 - (Carl): Yeah. So he won't let us give him a five, which I'm like, that's what a five is. That's the definition. So I think we gave him a four eight or four six. Yeah. Well, congratulations. You're in the top tier.
0:41:35 - (Riley): God. But I wouldn't have paid to see. I love seeing people get what they deserve.
0:41:44 - (Carl): Right? Absolutely.
0:41:47 - (Riley): What goes around, comes around. And if you fuck around, you're going to find out.
0:41:51 - (Carl): Right, exactly. You know what? Maybe this person now has never disrespected that scenario ever again.
0:42:00 - (Riley): Right.
0:42:00 - (Carl): Or he did the very next day and got arrested.
0:42:03 - (Steve): I think he just some how I thought it was an accent. So he probably didn't learn anything.
0:42:08 - (Carl): You're probably right.
0:42:09 - (Riley): I mean, if it was obvious that it was.
0:42:11 - (Carl): But if he's drunk, though, he doesn't. You know what I'm saying? Because if you're on the outside, if you're at the end of the bar and you see him do it, you can like, oh, that motherfucker literally laid the cup in there and did that.
0:42:20 - (Riley): Right?
0:42:20 - (Carl): He's just seen it frontal, right? So now, you know what's fucking hilarious is this fucking person probably follows you on YouTube and was like, this guy served me water one time. He's fucking awesome. And he's going to hear this fucking story like that. Asshole.
0:42:38 - (Riley): I deserved that. I was nasty.
0:42:41 - (Steve): Shit. I'm going to get canceled.
0:42:45 - (Riley): If you're getting canceled, then us justifying your actions is worse for us.
0:42:49 - (Carl): The guy's going to go to your distillery, cancel you, then fly all the way to Iowa.
0:42:53 - (Riley): Yeah, that's not how canceling works.
0:42:55 - (Carl): I understand, but. All right, Steve, so we appreciate being on. And would you like to plug anything for our listeners to go and watch or plug anything you feel like it?
0:43:11 - (Steve): I just so happen to have my book just sitting right beside me. Anyone is getting started on cocktails. I've written a bartender's guide. Well, a cocktail guide. My favorite part in here is the QR code so you can scan it. Get a 30 42nd video of how to make cocktail.
0:43:29 - (Riley): Yes.
0:43:29 - (Steve): 125 cocktails in there. Intro section, how to get started, what bottles to buy, everything. So getting started is perfect for it.
0:43:38 - (Riley): Yes, we highly recommend the book.
0:43:40 - (Carl): Yeah, it's hardcover. It's not too big, it's not too small. I think it's like the right size for a good cocktail book. And like you said, I think the car, the QR code is probably the thing that sets your cocktail book apart from other cocktail books, right?
0:43:56 - (Riley): Because if you don't know what those words mean, you can learn what those words mean.
0:43:59 - (Carl): Right? Like what a dry shake is or what bitters is, what bitters know and anything like so. But no. Awesome. Yeah, definitely go check that out. Link for the book will be in the description to Amazon because I know there's other ways to buy it, but we have quite a few different countries listening to this podcast, so Amazon's usually the best for anyone. Like, so what we're going to do now is we're going to sign off this lovely show and then we're going to talk to Steve on our Patreon, talk to him about his starting of his bartender career. We already know he wasn't a great bartender. He threw water on people and didn't put rum and drinks and then find out why he started YouTube and a distillery for yes. And always remember, don't be a dick, tip your bartenders and drink responsibly.
0:44:43 - (Riley): How about we thank Steve for coming on first before we say goodbye to everybody. Steve, thank you for being here. We appreciate it. We are honored to have you as our 50th episode guest.
0:44:54 - (Carl): Yes, we appreciate it so much. I know you're a busy man and.
0:44:58 - (Riley): Now you can say it. Don't be a dick.
0:45:01 - (Carl): Tip your bartenders and drink a sponsor.